Easier to Run
by Abigail Marie
Summary: What were Rosemary's thoughts as she made her way over to the Chief Elder's office? Songfic; done to the song Easier to Run by Linkin Park. Please R&R!


Disclaimer: I don't own The Giver or the song Easier to Run by Linkin Park....wouldn't mind if I owned either one...but alas.. I do not...

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_It's easier to run_

_Replacing this pain with something numb_

_It's so much easier to go_

_Then face all this pain here all alone_

She could feel the wind rush through her hair as she rode across the valley on her brown-speckled horse. The freedom she felt was exhilarating. It felt almost as if she was running away from it all; running away from the pain she felt growing each day. And she found that she liked the feeling.

"Rosemary."

The memory was over much too quickly. The feeling of freedom was gone but the desire to run had only become stronger. This pain was becoming too much for to bear.

_Something has been taken_

_From deep inside of me_

_A secret I've kept locked away_

_No one can ever see_

She let out a soft sigh. Oh, how she longed for the care-free days of her childhood. If only there had been some she could have prepared herself for this. But there had been nothing, nothing she could have possibly done, and now she was forced into a life of solitude. She was fated to forever carry the burden of others; forever alone. She could tell no one of the pain she was experiencing and even if she could, no one would understand.

_Wounds so deep they never show_

_They never go away_

_Like moving pictures in my head_

_For years and years they've played_

How long had it been since she started her training? Five weeks. Five long weeks. It felt like much longer. The memories of pain etched in her mind had made it feel like forever.

She could remember her first taste of pain. She had sat there motionlessly as she watched a small child die in his mother's arms. The overbearing sense of helplessness and loss had haunted her for weeks afterwards. She was never the same after that. How could she be? The perfect world she had grown up in was shattered, never to be put back together again.

_If I could change, I would_

_Take back the pain I would_

_Retrace every wrong move that I made, I would_

_If I could stand up and take the blame, I would_

_I would take all my shame to the grave_

"Rosemary."

She looked up at the Giver who was calling her out of her trance. Yes, he would always understand her pain, probably better then she knew right now. But it just wasn't enough! When her training was over she'd be left alone, alone with her memories. He couldn't always be there. He just wasn't enough.

Slowly, Rosemary walked over to the Giver and wrapped her arms around his neck. She wanted so much to give him back all the delightful memories he had given her. She wanted to be sure he knew how much she cared before she left but she couldn't let him know what she was thinking. He might try to stop her; she couldn't let him do that.

Leaning in closer, Rosemary left a soft kiss on his cheek. Before she could read the expression on his face, she quickly rushed out the door.

_It's easier to run_

_Replacing this pain with something numb_

_It's so much easier to go_

_Then face all this pain here all alone_

Rosemary quickly hopped on her bike and pedaled as hard as she could. She wanted that feeling of freedom again. She wanted to feel the wind through her hair again. She longed for it; she needed it.

Just as she was gaining speed, her tire hit a small rock and sent her flying onto the sidewalk. Using her scraped knee as an excuse, Rosemary sat next to her bike, hugged her knees to her chest and cried for a moment. She would never get that feeling back. She would never feel anything but this pain. She knew she could take it no more.

Leaving her bike where it lay, she decided to walk the rest of the way. Besides, it would be nice to get a last look at her home. Perhaps memories of her childhood would be a good thing to consume her last thoughts. Yes, that would have to do if she couldn't draw on the freedom of running.

_Sometimes I remember_

_The darkness of my past_

_Bringing back these memories_

_I wish I didn't have_

But she couldn't seem to concentrate on her own memories. It seemed that every thought she held was somehow connected to the memories she was forced to bear. Someone else's memories. She could feel them slowly consuming her heart.

Across the street she could see the children playing in the field. Rosemary could feel the overbearing sense of loneliness returning. She could remember a memory the Giver had transferred to her the week before. She had been lost a forest, unable to find her way home. She had felt so afraid, so lost, so lonely. The feeling returned to her here. She felt so lost and lonely and yet she was terrified of what she felt she had to do. But it was for the sake of the community! She was no Receiver! She had been foolish to think she ever could be. Why had they given her this task?

_Sometimes I think of letting go_

_And never looking back_

_And never moving forward_

_So, there'd never be a past_

Rosemary continued to walk down the street. She was almost there. Soon it would be over. Soon she would never have to face any of those memories again.

_If I could change, I would_

_Take back the pain, I would_

_Retrace every wrong move that I made, I would_

_If I could stand up and take the blame, I would_

_I would take all my shame to the grave_

Almost timidly, Rosemary walked into the office and up to the recipient's desk. She patiently waited for the lady to look up from her work.

"Hello, Receiver. How may I help you today?"

Taking a deep breath in, Rosemary gathered what was left of her courage. "I would like to file for release."

It took a moment for the request to register on the woman's face. "I'll notify the Chief Elder right away. Thank you for your instructions."

_If I could change, I would_

_Take back the pain, I would_

_Retrace every wrong move that I made, I would_

_If I could stand up and take the blame, I would_

_I would take all my shame to the grave_

Rosemary soon found herself sitting in a pale-looking room, waiting. She was doing this for the good of the community. She had to use what was left of her courage.

It wasn't long until a two men came in with the syringe. Rosemary stared numbly as they readied the needle.

"Would you roll up your sleeve please?" A young gentleman asked her.

"I would prefer to inject myself, please." Rosemary asked politely. With a surprised look upon his face, the young man handed her the needle.

_Just washing it aside_

_All of my helplessness inside_

_Pretending I don't feel misplaced_

_It's so much simpler then change_

Rosemary winced as the needle sunk into her arm. It didn't take long for it to take effect. Her body began to twitch slightly.

She smiled as warmth crept up within her, washing away all the bad memories. Closing her eyes, she accepted her decision happily. She was finally free.

_It's easier to run..._

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And so ends my first The Giver songfic! So...what'd you think? If I get some good reviews on this, I might write another... I've got a good idea for one!

Review please!


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